compliment.

Is there a compliment hierarchy for girls? Subconsciously, I think yes. If I think too hard about – definitely yes. But why should I? They’re all compliments. And I’m a huge sucker for compliments. I may judge quickly, but I’m super easy to win over. So this is how I see it.

Cute (good for both) – I use “cute” more in reference to actions rather than looks. It also serves as a default, which means I overuse it. It’s another way for me to say “Oh I like you”.

Pretty (males = good-looking) – This is generic. It can be used for anyone who’s looking better than average. While “cute” is my default in most situations, it only works if the person is genuinely happy. If they’re not – it’s probably going to be “pretty”.

Beautiful (handsome for the boys) – Telling the truth, I’ve never called a boy handsome in my life. At least not that I can remember. “Beautiful” and “handsome” both hold a connotation of being overly groomed in my opinion. It’s like those fancy Victorian houses, where you don’t want to touch anything because you’ll mess it up.

Hot (also good for both sexes) – Not a fan of using this one. It seems so undescriptive, but maybe that’s because I never use it to describe anything (but the weather. hahaha. sorry). It might be because of Paris Hilton, but this term just seems like a joke to me.

re: photoshop.

So maybe photoshopping photos is lying. And it’s definitely gone a bit too far these days. From the fashion magazines making women skinnier and universities (cough, Madison) faking diversity, photos these days just can’t be trusted. There’s a pretty clear line with Photoshop with what’s real and what’s fake. But what about post-processing digital images?

I have had this argument with the boyfriend multiple times. It might be a little unwise on my part since I don’t really understand what the term digital post-processing fully encompasses. Given that I couldn’t find a good definition when googling makes me think I’m not the only one. Really, I just don’t know that much about photography, so I shouldn’t have an opinion at all. Too bad – I was quite disappointed to learn about post-processing and to me, it’s a little bit cheating. Maybe I’m naive, but I always thought the reason professional photography looked better was because of better cameras and technique, that the images came straight off the camera better. That’s just not true.

And I know that when using film, there are various techniques to use when developing to get the look you want. This is not cheating to me. Somehow the development process of film seems like it takes more skill and practice than digital post-processing. And I also know that digital cameras apply some post-processing automatically when it creates a jpeg. If that’s what everyone means by post-processing, I’m cool with that. But when you start adjusting contrast and light and color and flaws – it almost feels like the only real thing left is the composition (and you can photoshop that as necessary, right?). It’s like how space isn’t actually beautifully colored, but if you just looked at pictures, it looks like it’d be a trip.

So is photo editing/post-processing an art in itself? If the photo is taken by one person and significantly post-processed by another, whose art is it? It’s almost like DJs. They take music samples from other musicians and change them up to create something new – sometimes similar to the original, sometimes not. But it’s hard for most people to separate the talent of the DJ from the talent of the musicians they sampled.

On a somewhat related topic, Kottke’s post of cropping images poses some interesting questions too.

milton.

The graphic designer, Milton Glaser, composed a list of ten things he has learned over his career. For those who are unaware, Glaser is the designer behind the I Love New York logo and that Bob Dylan cover. Anyway…I love lists. But I especially love lists from the creative community. Maybe it’s because I don’t belong to those who are creative for a living, but they always seem to have a very different way of looking at things than everyone else. Or at least, they have a much more exciting way of talking about it. His whole piece is an interesting read though the lessons are most directed at the design community. I thought several were good to keep in mind.

3. Some people are toxic, avoid them – Agreed. Completely. Do not waste the effort or the time.

4. The Good is the enemy of the Great – “…if you are professional your instinct is not to fail, it is to repeat success.” This is something everyone should remind themselves of once in a while. I’m extremely risk averse. It’s so hard to risk failure when it’s possible to do a satisfactory job. But mistakes are how we learn, and I just have to get used to it.

8. Doubt is better than certainty – “It makes me nervous when someone believes too deeply or too much.” Yes, you need confidence. But be open to the possibility and opportunity of new experiences and thoughts. Be open-minded.

secret.

Guess what? Women can’t keep secrets. I know – absolutely mind-blowing.

To me, secrets are tricky territory. What counts as a secret? It’s definitely not a black and white subject. Certain topics may be secrets from co-workers and bosses, but not from close friends. Others might be secrets from friends but not family. And some may be only for me. But on some level all are secrets from somebody. Who knows, who shouldn’t know, who’s ok to tell – it all varies dependent on the information.

And then there’s the need for specification. I can’t imagine anyone considering all conversation secretive until it’s revealed otherwise. So I automatically make the assumption for general, socially acceptable topics, whatever I’m told is public information. If we move into the realm of socially questionable topics (i.e. you wouldn’t bring this up at a dinner party), it’s a bit harder to tell. But if you tell me I need to keep it quiet, I will.

In general though, I don’t like secrets. I dislike having to remember who knows what. Can I make jokes about X ? Should I pretend not to know Y? And I don’t have a problem putting most things out in the open. Bet that comes from blogging. In fact, I would be wary of people who feel the need to keep significant numbers of secrets – and not just from me, but from people in general. Besides, isn’t it better to share?

Several things to point out: 1) This study was commissioned by the UK director of Wines of Chile (wtf?). 2) There’s absolutely no information on the kind of things people considered secrets. 3) True cost of purchases tops the list of secrets along with intimate issues and affairs; what does that say? 4) I can totally keep a secret. Promise

photoshop.

Looks like the French are trying to curb the bad influence media has on women’s body images. They proposed a law that would require photoshopped images to have warnings that they had been retouched. I believe it’s currently only looking at newspaper and magazine advertisements. Their reasons is:

“These photos can lead people to believe in a reality that does not actually exist, and have a detrimental effect on adolescents. Many young people, particularly girls, do not know the difference between the virtual and reality, and can develop complexes from a very young age”

In theory, this sounds like a fantastic idea. While it technically is targeting women to improve their body image, it would also educate men/boys encourage these unrealistic ideals because they might not know any better. Except in reality, it just can’t fly.

First, I think it’s pretty hard to find photographs (especially those being used for commercial reasons) that haven’t been retouched at least a little. So, logistically, the question becomes how what kind of retouching needs a warning. Do you need it for rubbing out a zit (because we’ve all had bad skin days and you totally would too if you had Photoshop)? Do you need it  when you make her waist smaller than her head (because it’s pretty obvious that people don’t look like that ever)? Or do you just need it when you make a normal person look a little bit better (when your Photoshop skills are so good that it looks real)?

Second, for the fashion and beauty industries, they’re selling this image. Looking better than normal is their product. Half the point of makeup is to cover flaws, but it’s never going to be perfect. However, that doesn’t mean when I see the ad I want to see that it’s imperfect. It’s the same idea that the burger in McDonald’s ads don’t look like the burger you get in real life. I’m pretty happy seeing delicious-looking sandwiches even if that’s not what I get. Should they have to label their images too?

Third, I don’t think it’ll actually help anyone’s body image. Even if a picture came with a warning, it’s too hard to determine what part is real without seeing the original image. I’m well aware that images are photoshopped, and it’s still hard for me to accept that people won’t ever look like that. Let’s face it, some people just look better, even without the excessive makeup and retouching. And, at least if it was me in an ad being shown to millions of people, I wouldn’t want to give anyone a reason to criticize.

pill.

First, sorry for the female topic, since most of the people I know read this are male. But it’s my writing and I’m a female, so it must be expected that birth control pills would eventually come up. And here it is!

The article was about whether women should take breaks from being on oral contraceptives. The answer is no. The two major concerns seem to be an increased risk of breast cancer and increased difficulty conceiving after being on the pill for a longer time. Apparently both breast cancer risk and fertility go back to normal after you stop taking the pill. Of course there are a few other potential health risks, but what kind of pill doesn’t come with that long list of side effects. And the whole deal with Yaz/Yasmin – well, I’m sure if they find anything, it’ll be all over the news given they’re such a popular brand.

Thing is, I’m still a bit skeptical about taking the pill for a very long time. It might just be my personal experience going on and off the pill (which I am well aware would be too much information for most everybody). It also might be that I just don’t like taking pills in general, so I’m pretty happy not having to take one every day. That’s not to say you shouldn’t take the pill if you have a frequent risk of getting pregnant – you should. I don’t have that concern (stupid long distance relationship). But, as Yaz has proven, the pill has whole bunch of nice side effects that help PMS and acne. And then there’s the fact you can time your period, which is also quite convenient. It boils down to the fact that there’s a lot of incentive to take it when you don’t really need it. And with women starting the pill earlier and having families later (if kids are even in their plans at all), I bet women are going to remain on the pill longer than they have in the last 50 years.

spooky.

Since it is one of my top 5 things about the fall, I obviously had a wonderful Halloween weekend. Friday night was a friend’s party. She goes all out for this holiday – decorations, food, costumes. Saturday night, I went down to State Street for Madison’s Freakfest. For those who are unaware, in the last three years, the city of Madison has really pulled their Halloween festivities under control. It’s now a paid event ($10) with several bands rather than the debauchery that used to occur. While I think it’s better for the city in general to curb the riots, damages, and arrests, I understand how it spurs articles like this, and it’s definitely not worthwhile if you don’t want to see the bands.

And the bands were really the only reason I participated. If I can see two concerts for $10, I think it’s a good deal. So I went to see Locksley (who I absolutely love so much) and Third Eye Blind (who were promoting their new album – the first in 6+ years). Locksley started a bit late. They were dressed as ghoulish doctors and put on a fantastic show. It makes me very excited for their album coming out next year (this one’s my favorite song). The crowds weren’t terrible, which was great because I was alone for the second half of their show (and not getting crushed is fabulous). And, given the 30 degree weather and being dressed as a Flintstone (I was Betty), the crowds really helped keep you warm. The only thing I’m disappointed about is the fact that the members of Locksley are from Madison, but it didn’t feel like they’re really excited to be back.

Since Locksley ran a bit long, I didn’t get to see Third Eye Blind. I got to hear the last few songs, including Jumper, Graduate and Semi-Charmed Life – which is really all I wanted to hear anyways. They sounded good, but I wish I could have seen something. And by that time, my buzz had worn off and I was freezing on the outside of the crowd. Plus I had to go to the bathroom so bad by the end of the show. The only part that killed me was the end. 3eb decided to be super appreciative of being in Madison promoting Ursa Major. It was really a bit awkward.

Last, because this is a Halloween post, the costumes coming out of Madison are amazing. I didn’t bring a camera, so I have no pictures. But I think I saw every possible costume I’ve ever wanted to be this weekend. There were the basic ghosts and ghouls, witches and wizards. The college-party staples like pimps, playboy bunnies, and sexy everything-you-can-imagine. And everything else – bananas, pumpkins, ketchup and mustard, deviled egg, naked man (it takes extreme dedication or alcohol to run around naked at the end of October in Wisconsin), Carmen Sandiego, cave people, and Street Fighter characters. One of my favorites was a group dressed as the running of the bulls – they ran down the street as a group, with the last person dressed as the bull. Quite amusing.

Hope everyone else had a good Halloween!

swing.

I’ve decided to try dance lessons – swing dance to be exact. It’s taken me forever to sign up because I never wanted to do it alone. And of course, none of my male friends would ever take lessons with me. This clearly would have been something for the boyfriend, but it never crossed my mind then. Anyways, I finally decided that if I kept waiting, it would never happen.

I did some research online, but ultimately signed up for lessons with Downbeat Dance based on an email I received. It helped that it was only a three-week class. Trying to plan weeks ahead is always tricky when traveling, and even with only three weeks – I still have to miss the last class. But I finished my first two classes, and it was so much fun. Alex was a great teacher. He made it a piece of cake to learn.

One of my reasons for wanting to learn dancing was so I could then go dancing. But now, since I took classes alone, I have no one to go dancing with. And I don’t feel quite comfortable enough to just try it on my own. I’m very excited to take more classes.

single.

TresSugar (don’t judge the sites I read) had this slide show up last month – 10 best things about being single. It included everything from crushes and flirting to getting more sleep and focusing on other goals. These kinds of lists kill me for two reasons.

First, do single ladies really need a list like this? It seems to imply that being single is so terrible that it takes some effort to come up with reasons why it’s not so bad. And while I have absolutely no experience in the singles’ world, I can’t imagine it being that awful. On the flip side, being in a relationship is no walk in the clouds. People get antsy once they pass the “new relationship” phase. A list, then, about the amazingness of singledom would create a want for that “freedom”. Which brings me to my second point…

Many things on this list and being in a relationship are not mutually exclusive. And if you believe they are, I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. Of the ten items listed, I only see flirting and new crushes as mostly exclusive to singles (I guess it could depend on how exclusive your relationships are too). But the other 8 areas (free time, friend time, sleep, dates, goals, etc) aren’t limited for those of us in good relationships. In fact, this list made me realize how awful it is to be in a long-distance relationship. I get few of the positives of being in a relationship, none of the benefits of being single, and all the effort to maintain the relationship.

I should make a list of 10 best things about long-distance relationships.

autumn.

While it’s technically been autumn for a while, it’s only recently that I’ve been feeling the full atmosphere of the season. And with Halloween just around the corner, I’m now in a bit of a scramble to get fully prepared for the holiday. So I thought it might be time to list my 5 favorite things about the fall, seeing as it is my favorite season.

1) Fall fashion – I’m definitely not a trendsetter, but fall fashion wins above all other seasonal attire. The cool weather means boots, jackets, hats, and scarves. Frankly, I’ve never been a summer dress kind of girl; I like the heavier fabrics. Maybe it’s just because I grew up in Wisconsin.

2) Cold weather smell – The smell of cold weather is amazing. This is truly a winter thing when it get below freezing, but it starts in fall. I can’t even describe what I like about the smell, but it’s wonderful.

3) Autumn beers – They’re not too light and they’re not too dark. I haven’t really come across one that I didn’t like. It makes me a little bit sad that they’re only seasonal.

4) Colors – I like the darker hues of fall fashion – maroons, browns, forest greens, dark purples. Then, the colors of the leaves are so warm and bright. It’s an interesting pairing – the brights and the darks. But as long as I don’t have to have to wear the oranges and yellows, I’m happy with them.

5) Halloween – costumes, pumpkins, candy corn, trick or treating. What’s not to love? Despite how hard it is to come up with a costume, especially if you have to spend time outside, it’s pretty much just one big party. And I can’t bring myself to buy candy corn at any other time of year.